API Article: "The Conscious Parent"

This is my latest post for the Attachment Parenting International blog that will be published later this week or early next. Enjoy!

Positive parenting is hard. Why? Because you must be a conscious parent, always. Constantly. All day long. Every minute of every day. Even in the fuzzy gray of those groggy mornings after a night of restless sleep--even when it's late in the afternoon following a whirling day of no naps and fussy teething--and yes--even when it's smack dab in the middle of bedtime and you are ready to go to bed much much more than the little one that you are struggling to soothe to sleep. You must be a conscious parent--a calm, gentle, thinking, and strategical parent, even then.

Positive parenting takes work, effort, time, energy, but most of all it takes brain power--lots of it--when you have it the least to give. As Noah begins blossoming into a pre-toddler--that neitherland between infanthood and official toddlerhood at the age of two--we are beginning to consciously think about how we are going to handle the challenging behaviors that we know Noah Finn is bound to exhibit. As we prepare by talking to other parents, reading books and articles and attending parenting groups, our philosophy on how we are going to navigate through the wily world of throwing, kicking, biting and tantrums is beginning to take shape.

Hitting, spanking, time outs, raised voices and bribing with rewards are all routes we know that we do not wish to take. We know that these methods can result in a humiliated, embarrassed, isolated, externally rewarded and defeated child and do not lead to the kinds of positive outcomes we are ultimately seeking--a confident, internally motivated, emotionally balanced and secure child and teenager. And we know that it all starts now. We know that creating a child-friendly environment in our home is much healthier than constantly policing a home that has many things that cannot be touched, or that teaching empathy and giving tools to express frustration and anger early can curb a tantrum before it starts. We know that explaining to him now why he cannot do something is much more effective than overusing the scold "no". Even at such a young age, we know that he is ready to learn from us and that anything but gentle conscious parenting during these challenging times will perhaps train, but not teach, him.

But during the long and fatigued days that are sure to be ahead, we also know that falling back on easier methods of parenting are just plain, well, easier--you don't have to plan and think and explain. Using negative directives like "no" or "stop it" or "don't do that" instead of explaining why or offering choices and alternatives obviously takes less effort and brain power. But at what expense? It will be hard to remember, always, that we will need to offer Noah the best of us so that he can fulfill his utmost potential--whatever he deems that to be. But we must.

Yes, it's darn difficult raising a human, but, heck, whoever said it would be easy? And, we want a good human--a really good human.

Noah's First Pho.

As I've said on here before, living in Los Angeles--for going on 10 years now--is a real love/hate kind of relationship. One of the things, however, that I love, love, love about this city is the incredible diversity--ethnicity, religion, language, art, culture, food, yadda, yadda. You can expose yourself to any plethora of adventurous anything anytime of the night or day.

Vietnamese food is one of those cuisines that's hard to come by in great quality unless you are in a larger city, like L.A.--or in Vietnam, of course. Los Feliz, an artsy little nook of town just east of downtown, has one of the yummier Pho shops I've come by and Noah Finn had his first dish last week . . . funnily enough, with a little German friend of his also named Noah. The two Noah's eagerly dove head first into their bowls of broth, tofu, noodles, wood ear mushrooms and fresh basil, bean sprouts and lime. So much so that they were covered from head to toe in rice noodles resembling something of a Pollack food painting. My friend, Caro, documented the aftermath with her iPhone.

I'm guessing we'll have to Pho again real soon. Noah clearly dug it.

Airtime.

It's no secret to close family and friends that Dean began working for Beck shortly after the birth of Noah Finn. It was a rather surprised and unplanned job move that couldn't have been timed much better if we had planned it. The hours are so much better then what he kept on the Hollywood studio clocks and Beck's home studio, where he works much of the time, is just a few cycling blocks away from our home for Dean--and let's face it, it's a pretty dreamy gig for an Audio Engineer.

The latest project to be released is Charlotte Gainsbourg's new album that Beck produced called IRM--just released this month. Those of you who aren't familiar with her French pop legend father, Serge Gainsbourg, have been living under a musical rock and should get acquainted with him a.s.a.p.--your ears cannot claim they existed in the 20th century and not have heard this mighty Euro crooner. While Charlotte has a sometimes similar whispery sultriness to that of her dad's hypnotic style, she stands quite firm in her own right, too, as a chanteuse and actress.

Our hands down all time favorite radio station, that happens to be here in Los Angles, KCRW 89.9, aired a live in-studio session and interview with her and Beck taped back in December where Dean joined as Engineer. As it aired this morning, Dean and I went about our usual morning tasks while listening--Dean packing his lunch and I, just having put Noah down for a nap, was showering. When all of a sudden Dean storms into the bathroom with that crooked and satisfied half smile across his face that I recognize to announce, "Hey, Doodle--you missed it. They just said my name on the radio!"

Yes, it's true that Dean gets his name in the liner notes of all projects that he works on (including this one), but there's nothing like hearing your name in the "thank you" list on-air. And, shucks, I missed it.

To see a few cameos of Dean during the live taping session (he's in the navy & cream striped sweater in the background), click here--even if you don't want to see Dean it's well worth a view--Charlotte and Beck make an enchanting duo. To hear Dean's name said aloud over the Los Angeles air waves, you'll have to "listen" as opposed to "watch" the session here--but let's face it, unless you're tuned in to the radio, listening just isn't as much fun.

Félicitations, Dean, félicitations!

Together They Grow.

When I began "Feeding Little Foodies" last August at the suggestion of my friend Carrie, I expected that it might be a worthwhile hobby and healthy focus for my surplus of nervous energy. I was right--it has been an incredible way to share my experiences with feeding Noah Finn, as well as, my passion for teaching, fresh organic produce, and cooking all while aiming to inspire and inform other mamas to feed fresh and nutritiously too. I have met so many energetic mamas and beautiful babies along the way and my inbox continues to expand with pictures and videos sent to me by former "students" feeding their little foodies their first bites of solids. Satisfying and rewarding would be the two adjectives I'd use to describe the experience so far.

Ever since last August the business has grown, almost exponentially. Classes are filled to the brim, I have added a new workshop for older foodies, I have purchased my very own web domain just to house the blog in its own proper home (www.feedinglittlefoodies.com), I was asked to give two interviews for parenting and health related websites that will feature "Feeding Little Foodies" in the coming weeks, and I am getting ready to announce a super exciting bit of news next week. This "business baby" of mine has grown and is continuing to grow--and that's what you want when you begin a new venture, right? You nurture and hope for timely maturation and healthy development.

But just as I both resist and embrace the rapid growth and changes that are taking place with my little Noah Finn, I can't help but morn the loss of infancy with my little business venture too. What began as a small, vulnerable, and quiet project has expanded into a rambunctious and quickly moving toddler that I sometimes struggle to keep up with. I can't help but note the parallels between these two focuses of my time--baby and business--and feel both excitement and apprehension that I will miss the early days of both.

As I move into the wide expanses of what lies ahead--the toddler hood of Noah Finn and of "Feeding Little Foodies"--I feel great anticipation at what's unknown and what I have yet to learn and excitement at the limitless possibilities of what they both have the potential to become.

Peek.

. . . a boo. I see you. I am finally coming out from beneath that virtual rock I have been hiding under.

What's been happening while I've been hibernating? Leaps and bounds I tell you, leaps and bounds. Noah has been growing in leaps and bounds. He's walking consistently as of this past week, he's talking--"banana" is by far the most impressive member of his very new dictionary--and he's destroying. As I have been absent from my orphaned mama blog, Noah has been sprouting at an ever alarming pace. Therefore, I shall be absent no more--MAMA IS BACK--you have my word, as there is just too much occurring each and every day not to document and share it all with my fellow friends, family and readers.

So here we are to report on the latest happenings in the Surette-Nelson abode . . .

Getting reacquainted with home, our cats, our life-pace here in SoCal has been a long standing project. This past week was Dean's first back to work full time since we've been back, Noah and I had a debilitating stomach bug through it all, and the past six days have been a record setting event of rain, hail, wind and storms for Los Angeles. Between bouts of nausea, Noah and I schlepped ourselves out of our frequent fits of cabin fever to enjoy several indoor playgrounds round about the city--"Amy's Playground" in South Pasadena, "Naya's Garden" in Silverlake and "Kidspace Children's Museum" in Pasadena. We have playdated, walked in the rain and had cozy dinner parties with our bestest of mommy & babe duos, Asami & Kai. And on Friday, we went with some of our favorite baby and mommy pairs, dragging Daddy along behind us, for a zenning dose of "Mommy, Me & Daddy Too Yoga" at "Golden Bridge" in Hollywood. All I can say is--blissful, simply blissful. The first 45 minutes are spent with the adults stretching and straining while the little ones romp and wobble about and the second half is a singing and dance freeplay for all. The event was capped off with some tantalizing mung bean and rice stew, garbanzo bean dhaal and a walloping vegan red velvet cupcake. We have decided to make it a weekly family outing and look forward to next week!

Now, on into our weekend we venture. With a new stroller (we bought the Quinny Buzz this week!) and finally a blue sky and some sunshine, we are ready to take on the weekend with great gusto. By nightfall, I shall slave away at my incredibly tardy Christmas and First Birthday thank you's for Noah Finn that have yet to write themselves and hop in with the outgoing mail--and finish the book on that I've been delving into before zonking out on the couch--"Nothing To Envy: Ordinary Lives In North Korea" by Barbara Demick. While not especially well written, it is interestingly informative and a startlingly stark reminder of how lucky I am to have not been born in North Korea.

In the meantime, happy Saturday to all and welcome back, to me!

P.S. New pictures from our December on the left coast are up on flickr and new videos will be up on YouTube by Monday.

As Absent As An Ant At A Plastic Picnic.

Okay weird title, right? Well, that's just how I have been feeling as of late. Absent and weird. Not weird in a bad way necessarily, just weird as in a weird way. But as for absent . . . today marks the one week anniversary of our arrival home from our month long voyage to the land of cold, cotton and fried chicken. North Carolina was packed full of family--lots and lots of family--and eating and sitting and visiting and eating and sitting and visiting and eating and sitting and, well, you get the picture. Don't get me wrong, we loved, really truly loved, spending that much time with doting family members and we even managed to frolic outside maybe three or four times in all. But, come on folks, we venture out into the great expanse of SoCal's sunny 70's at least three to four times a day. You can call it cabin fever or southern cuisine overdose, but whatever it was it had me feeling down right lethargic and all nappy by noon.

The holidays were glorious and Noah's first birthday was a blast. Flying was challenging seeing that he is now intent on crawling and walking into every nook and cranny that appears the filthiest and most difficult to shimmy into. He is now talking more than ever. Not recognizable words (unless you count "mama", "dada" and his all time favorite for the last three months--"ball") but not baby talk either. He's got something to say and it sounds a flair Icelandic when it all comes out garbled and inflected--think Sigur Ros on helium. He's thinking and doing and playing with real purpose now--real intent and concentration and method. It is amazing to watch him amass more and more skills with each passing day. It seems that he can observe something only once before he has it nearly mastered.

So, we are home sweet home now--still unpacking suitcases and pounds around the middle that unfortunately managed to sneak their way through the airport security check. As we get back into the rhythm of our daily lives here in Los Angeles--breakfast and walks with daddy in the a.m. and lunch, playdates and dinner with mama in the p.m.--I realize something that I am truly excited to come home to--other than our abandoned cats and piles of bills--the mama and baby friends that we have made over the last year. These connections and bonds made with women struggling through the hardest year of their life together with me as I struggle alongside of them have been life changing and simply heart warming. I cannot wait to see how much each baby and mama have grown and changed as they all enter into this second year together with me and Noah Finn.

It's so nice to have family and friends to come home to--even if they reside at homes upon opposite shores.

P.S. Pictures from the trip are coming soon.

Birthdays By Hand.

Our time spent here in North Carolina so far has been lovely. It's been quite a bit cooler than the warm 70 degree weather that we are used to in sunny socal--and we may even get an early white Christmas tomorrow *fingers crossed*.

Aside from visiting with tons of family and struggling to keep up with my busy little guy who is taking more and more steps towards his first birthday both figuratively and literally, I am also busy at work putting finishing touches on his birthday crafts that I had begun in L.A.

Because many of our friends' tots back west will also soon be celebrating first birthdays, and seconds, I thought that I would share some of what I've been up to in the case anyone wants to craft together an eco-friendly celebration too! Making your own party decorations not only allows you to customize your party wares down to the smallest detail, but it also makes for an incredibly loving and eco-savvy way to decorate with handmade wares that you'll have to reuse and create traditions with for many birthdays to come.

All of the following craft ideas are surprisingly easy and a whole lot of fun to make! So pull out that sewing machine or needle and thread and craft together a birthday bash!

P.S. I'll be sure to post pictures from the festivities this weekend.

Fruity Birthday Cupcakes

• Okay these aren't a sewing craft necessarily but they are a kitchen craft, indeed! The recipe can be found at my "Feeding Little Foodies" website.

Fabric Flag Banner

1. Draw a large triangle on a thick piece of paper, preferably cardstock
2. Trace the shapes onto the back of your chosen fabrics
   
3. Place cut out triangles, two-by-two, together front to front--the back side of fabric facing out and the two patterned sides facing in
4. Sew along two pointed sides of the triangle leaving the third top flat side unsewn
5. Continue to sew flags until you have enough to create your desired length of banner
6. Turn flags inside out through unsewn top edge so that you now see the front of the pattern and the back of the fabric is inside of the flag, unseen
   
7. Choose a long strip of fabric or ribbon
8. Pin each flag to the strip of fabric or ribbon by folding the ribbon over the top of each flag
9. Leave about 2 inches of space between each flag
10. Sew along the top third edge of each flag so that it attaches to the ribbon
    
11. *extra*: if time permits, get creative and personalize it with a name, initials, or the event name

Double Sided Cupcake Wrappers

1. Download and print template from here
2. Trace template on the backside of your chosen paper
3. Cut out template shapes
4. Place two shapes back to back so that the front of the paper is showing on both sides
5. Glue together
   
6. One the cupcakes have completed baking in the traditional foil wrapper, simply drop cupcake and foil wrapper down inside your new paper wrapper for instant pizazz!
   

Cupcake Birthday Shirt

Now, I wish I could give detailed directions for how to make this little guy, but to be honest with you, I made this little ditty on a whim with extra fabric the night before takeoff. Here's the best I can muster . . .

1. On a piece of cardstock, I hand drew the cupcake
2. Next, I cut each part of the cupcake out into separate pieces (cupcake top, wrapper, candle, flame)
3. I then traced each piece onto my chosen fabric
   
4. After cutting out each piece, I pinned them onto the shirt in the position that I wanted them to be sewn
5. Using my sewing machine, I attached each piece to a plain white long-sleeved t-shirt

Balloon Cupcake Toppers

1. Using a 2" round paper punch, punch out as many circles as desired to spell your special birthday message
2. With rubber alphabet stamps and black ink, stamp letters onto the middle of the circles
3. Once dried, hot glue each circle to the top of lollipop sticks (found at Michael's)

Felt Birthday Crown

Take a break and reap the rewards of other people's craftiness: shop Etsy. I found this precious felt birthday crown made by Shannon over at Flip. Skip. Jump! She did an amazingly incredible job--I just can't wait to see Noah Finn celebrate #1 in this special little hat.

You Know You're A Mama When . . .

. . . you notice at 7:00 p.m. that you have been wearing your underwear backwards . . . all day.

Going "Home" For The Holidays.

As you may have noticed, I've been awfully mute over the last few weeks while Noah has been busy growing and growing and growing. He's mastered his first "real" word--ball--stacked things onto his spoon and then fed himself, began putting things into places instead of just taking them out and . . . da da dum . . . taken his first few steps! I think that he is still going to be crawling to get to he we wants to go, at least for the next few weeks, but progress is progress, right?

On Saturday Noah and I are set to take air and head back to North Carolina for the holidays. Dean is not joining us until the 17th and we all fly back together on the 5th of January, 2010. While the thought of having to pack half of the house in two days makes my palms sweat, the thought of spending 7 hours alone on a plane with my 11.5 month old frightens me even more. Noah may not yet be walking but he is mobile--oie is he mobile. Sitting on my lap is not an option. I am just praying that I am able to jump onto southwest.com 24 hours before my flight to get into the early boarding group . . . all in hopes of grabbing a bulkhead seat. The lack of underseat stowage and a seatback pocket are small sacrifices for a place to set Noah down with some toys to play.

I'll be trying oh-so-hard to update this blog as often as possible while we're away. This time to inform friends back west instead of family back east! We will have much to report. I already have posts about all of the fun birthday decorations that I have been sewing for Noah's first birthday party in the evenings--thus, the lack of blogging--squirreled away in my head. I'll try and share pics and instructions for how to make an eco-friendly fabric flag banner and birthday shirt, where to get incredibly cute felt birthday crowns and how to make snazzy little paper cupcake wrappers and toppers.

In the meantime, Happy December!

Los Angeles.

Los Angeles. It's a real love-hate relationship between me and this city by the oily sea. It's smoggy, it's crowded. It's dusty, it's overpriced.

But, on other days I simply swoon at its beauty. It's natural, natural beauty.

Here are a few unedited images captured by my husband less than a mile from our home during his morning walks with our little Noah Finn.

What a beautiful, beautiful place this can be.