Two Steps Forward, One Step Back.

My mama friends on Facebook will probably meet this post with a rolling of the eyes. I just recently hashed out this very issue in my status update over the course of several days. Following my whining, their loving comments, my venting, their loving comments, I came to a realization...my little boy is growing up.

Noah is 3.25 and over the last few weeks, we have been trialing a program at the Y that requires I sit outside while he participates inside. While 3 seems to be the magic age for this, it's a first for us. All of the programs that we have ever attended have been together, so I was tentative at first but was willing to give it a try if Noah was. On the first day he joined without much urging, but came running out half way through in tears and has done so every time until last week when he flat out refused to go. He gave it a try--a real effort in my book--and while I won't go into the ins and outs of why I agree with him I will say that I believe it is very telling of our current growing pain.

Over the last few weeks he's kept closer, cuddled more and slept lighter. He's cried when I didn't expect it and has asked for me when he previously would not have. I was growing worried, filled with concern and frustration and considering "solutions" and "fixes". And, then it dawned on me--he was in doubt. And so was I. I was doubting his ability to determine his own readiness. I was choosing for him and pushing, gently pushing but pushing nonetheless, when he wasn't ready.

This new world with all of its "without mom possibilities" has only just recently begun computing in his little processor. And I have noticed that our Y experience, casual conversations about possible Jr. Kindergarten (Canada's Pre-K) enrollment this fall and my own attempts at urging autonomous play at home have triggered a pulling in rather than a moving out and away. After watching a pee-wee karate demonstration in awe this past weekend, he quickly turned to me without provocation and refused to ever take a karate class (by himself)--then it was swimming class, a yoga class and music class. Noah has always been eager to jump into social situations--excited to connect with playmates for engagement and group fun. But it's now clear that the idea of all of this without mom nearby is foreign and, therefore, scary leaving him feeling unsure and insecure. My perceptions of where he should be now that he's 3 have been clouding my observation and honoring of where he is at developmentally. As a result, I have not been unconditionally offering him what he has been needing the most as he navigates this very unsteady new territory--more, not less, of me and time.

With the addition of a little sister, more responsibilities and expectations have been tucked into his pocket. He's asked for some but others have been hashed out by us, perhaps, too prematurely. We expect that with a certain age, readiness for moving forward and stepping ahead magically appears. But as with all things readiness, too, comes best in its own time, in its own way, and at its own pace. As such, I have decided that my best and only role in all of this is not to fix or solve anything--nothing is broken--it's simply to be mom. Therefore, beginning tomorrow, I'll meet his caution with patience, his fear with reassurance, his tears with empathy and glimpses of bravery with encouragement and by doing so, hopefully, foster the courage to take the next step in his own time, in his own way, and at his own pace. 

The Swiffer Scare: Post #3.

Some months ago I posted an inquiry into the safety and all-around "greeness" of the Swiffer wet mop, here. And after being contacted by the brand's Account Executive, Chelsea Moreno, I posted a copy of her e-mail to me regarding the issues that were raised, here.

Now, I am certainly one who is just fine with letting sleeping dogs lie. Despite her defense of the product by citing it's proved safety in the laboratory, we still decided to switch to a more natural and environmentally friendly floor cleaner. But, today, I stumbled upon a fascinating interview between Swiffer designer, Gianfraco Zaccai, and green design blogger, Jennifer Van Der Meer, about the product's design and sustainability, here.

It's a tad long, but incredibly interesting and, not surprisingly, reveals the mass market design communities' lack of acknowledgment of the effects their products have on the environment.

When Baby Advice Goes Wrong. Seriously Wrong.

This is going to be a long one folks.

Where have I been? Living under a rock? Well, yes, kind of--I have an infant--same thing. But, still . . . how have I not been following the controversy surrounding Babywise? Seriously.

I stumbled upon a post about it today on SortaCrunchy's blog. Trying to find out what all the fuss was about, I Googled it, of course, and was shocked (to say the least) by what I found.

The book's "Product Description" on Amazon refers to the concepts found in the book as "Infant Management". Infant management!? Seriously? What the hell is that? The word "managing" near the word "baby" sort of replaces the warm and fuzzies with an image of a cold and tinny dictator waving a bull whip near a nest of baby chicks.

It continues by stating that the book is "an alternative to sleepless nights and fussy babies." Isn't that what babies naturally do? Seriously. They can't talk. My friend Asami told me that in Japan they have a one word sentiment that means "babies cry at night" and that Japanese people often refer to the first year with baby by using this word. Why? Because that's what babies do. The first year of life is wrought with jarring and tumultuous change and crying is the only way that babies can express their concern, or worry, or angst, or pain, or hunger.

And don't think I don't know what it's like not to sleep. I have a seven month old insomniac who hasn't caught more than an hour or two at a time of shut eye since the day he was born. I know. I so know. But, I am mom. I will mother and nurture and care for and parent him until he is old enough to sleep through the night and explain his woes through language rather than tears at 3 a.m. Am I tired? Yes. But, sleepless nights and fussy babies are part and parcel to parenting. It's the contract you signed when you made the kid bargain.

I saved the best for last. The description also claims that the book's methods aim to free parents who are "enslaved to the infant's unknown needs". Okay, hold the freakin' diaper cream. Enslaved? Unknown needs? Seriously? I'd rather refer to it as feeding my baby who has not yet learned the skill of lifting fork to mouth. I'd rather refer to it as removing the poop from the butt crack of my child who has not yet learned to control his bowels. I know what he needs and I intend to give it to him.

Point in short--I have never seen more terrifying words in the same sentence as the word "baby". What are these people thinking? This "so called sleep training method" completely removes nurturing from mothering and mothering from parenting and parenting from raising a child.

The most shocking of all is the description of the book and it's author, Gary Ezzo, given on Christianity Today--which is uber interesting as the book, it seems, is most popular among Christians.

"A central element of Ezzo's plan in Babywise is feeding newborns on a firm schedule, controlled by parents, rather than "on-demand," whenever a newborn seems hungry. Ezzo says his parent-directed method is essential to develop respectful, obedient, and godly children. Yet many breast-feeding mothers report that they have been unable to produce an adequate milk supply when following the program according to Matthew Aney, a California pediatrician.

A major focus of Babywise is to get infants to sleep all night as soon as possible. But some pediatricians, when comparing newborns whose parents use Ezzo's guidelines to other infants, have noted a higher incidence of inadequate weight gain, dehydration, and failure to thrive. Critics also sharply question other Babywise emphases, such as introducing a form of spanking in children younger than 2 (CT, Nov. 13, 2000, p. 70)."

Before I burst a blood vessel, I am going to close with the comment that I left for SortaCrunchy in response to her post and her other reader's comments. You'll notice my very agreeable and restrained tone. I posted it before I researched "Babywise". Nevertheless, it still holds true and it is a lot more eloquent than the above enraged babbling. And someone, please tell me that I've got this all wrong. Please tell me that I have gravely misunderstood an otherwise innocuous guide that simply offers gentle suggestions for helping your baby sleep more soundly at night. Please tell me that people don't actually envision parenting this way. Please tell me.

"Other than reading the post and comments, I have no personal experience with Babywise. But I do know that as a new parent, we can all use a little guidance . . . knowing where to find it, however, isn't always easy.

My husband and I have discovered the joys of "Attachment Parenting". It, so far, has provided us with a guide for a gentle, natural and rewarding parenting style. It's a "philosophy" that really only puts in print what most mothers already inherently know . . . go to your baby when he needs you to be there, hold your baby when he wants to be held, soothe your baby when he needs to be soothed--love your baby when he wants to be loved.

I don't believe that the answers to parenting can be found in a book. Parenting is not black and white enough to put in print. Rigid rules and dogmatic directions sour the natural instinct that a mother has for caring for her baby.

Following instincts and receiving a little bit of guidance when that instinct clouds from time to time is our chosen path . . . and so far, so good."

HELP: Locks In Postpartum Peril!

I have a feeling this could be a postpartum phenomenon--unlustrous locks. I mean, with all of the better parts of mom going literally into the baby during pregnancy and breastfeeding, it's no wonder that her hair might fall a little short of being an attraction-worthy mane.

As mom's natural hair beautifying potion bids a farewell and catches a ride out with the breast milk every few hours (or every few minutes on some days), I began to wonder if there is any saving serum that is, well, green--meaning environmentally and animal friendly, natural, organic . . . well, you get the picture.

I have naturally curly, or rather indecisively wavy, dry hair--even before we moved to the deserty sands of southern California with 0% humidity, it was fairly moistureless. But, postpartum hormones paired with a lack of every kind to spend more than 30 seconds on my mop, has left my locks uninspired and lifeless, dull and dumpy. My normal all-natural go-to's have been unsuccessful at resuscitating this nest and I don't want to fall victim to Pantene's claims only to pay a price--chemically coiffed curls.

It's been 6 months since baby and I am finally back to my pre-pregnancy weight. One milestone down for mommy and yet another one to go . . . now, it's time to tackle and tame my temperamental tangles. Does anyone have any suggestions for natural hair care products for the postpartum "hair" blues? And, miracle elixirs that won't break the bank are especially appreciated--because miracles should always come cheap, right? Ha.

The Swiffer Scare: Post #2.

In response to my first Swiffer post entitled "The Swiffer Scare", I received several helpful comments from loyal readers, as well as, an e-mail from an Account Executive that works with the Swiffer brand! Yes, that's right, an Account Exec.!

It's interesting how fast "she/they" found my blog posting and responded--talk about working the offense. Though we still will probably switch to a more natural cleaner (with Noah getting ready to crawl, we were thinking of it before this all began), I am impressed with their proactivity (product protection?) and would consider using Swiffer in a pinch after he begins walking.

I felt that it was only fair to post her e-mail below--to balance the scales of argument--and let you all decide for yourselves.

Happy Cleaning!

----------------

"Hi Dean & Joni,

I work with the Swiffer brand and in reading your blog post yesterday about the Swiffer WetJet Rumor, we wanted to share some updated information.

The Swiffer WetJet system and other Swiffer product ingredients are safe to use around pets. The safety of these products, when used in accordance with label instructions, has been confirmed by the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA), independent veterinarians and veterinary scientists.

Independent veterinarians and scientists evaluated the Swiffer WetJet and Swiffer Sweeper Wet Cloths cleaners and found them safe. In fact, Swiffer products have been safely used in over 15 million U.S. homes--many with pets--for nearly five years. The ASPCA (American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) has even posted information about the safety of Swiffer products on their site (www.aspca.org).

If you have additional questions about the rumor, please feel free to reach me directly and I'd be happy to share more information.

All the best,
Chelsea

Chelsea Moreno
Account Executive | MS&L
Global Consumer Marketing
1675 Broadway, Fl 10; New York, NY 10019
O: 212.468.3367 | F: 212.468.3031
E: chelsea.moreno@mslworldwide.com | W: www.mslworldwide.com"

The Swiffer Scare.

Oie! Has any other mother out there heard about the cleaning liquid in the Swiffer Wet Jet posing health hazards to children and animals?

Good friends of ours left a message to that extent last night, and when we researched it on the net we found, to our surprise, many articles citing the same. Dean just "swiffered" on Sunday! Yikes!

Is this rumor fact or fiction? Any information that anyone has regarding this issue, please post in the comments!

Perhaps this is the excuse that I have been waiting for to switch to a natural vinegar-based floor cleaning solution! If any moms out there have found a good alternative cleaner that works well on hardwood floors, please share.

Truly Yours,
One Shaken Señora

Don't Wake The Sleeping Giant, Please.

Okay, he's not a giant by any measure, but his presence at any time after bedtime sure does feel portentous.

In response to my parent's efforts at keeping quite during their visit when Noah was three weeks old, Dean and I proudly declared that we were not going to have that kind of baby--one that you have to go out of your way not to wake. Nope. We planned to go about our domestic tasks as before and, as a result, the baby would become naturally acclimated to the sounds of our home. Yeah . . . no. That's not really the way it works in real life. No.

We live in a one bedroom apartment, but it's a fairly large well laid out one bedroom apartment. Nevertheless, all activity that produces more than a whisper of noise stops after Noah goes down for anything even resembling sleep. We tip toe, we whisper, we mute the t.v., we silence the phones, we plan showers or wardrobe changes prior to the sleep act else we must brave the world in whatever we find ourselves wearing without access to our closets or dresser drawers, we don't do dishes, we don't do laundry else the creaking of the wicker basket under the weight of a full dirty load is considered in the noise "danger zone".

Why do we do all of this? Because there are only very few things that return the babe to his sweet, albeit always brief, slumber--okay, there's really only one--my boob, and it cherishes its few sweet minutes of freedom from the sticky grips of drowsy infant paws as much as its owner does. And because the promise of a few minutes of rest for the weary, both him and us, is well needed on all fronts.

If anyone out there has any tips on helping an infant sleep more soundly we're open to all advice because the dishes and laundry are piling up . . .